Aparigraha and Suffering

Inner peace did not use to be a goal of mine.  Peace, I felt, was where art came to die.  Tranquility and zen were the abysses of creativity.  Yogis were boring, breathing nothing but stale air in and out of their all- too still bodies. 

I think we have this idea in our culture that pain is beauty—that suffering prepares the foundation from which art grows.  But sappy love ballads alone do not a rich culture make.  It is true that some of our best and brightest minds have suffered from depression, anxiety, bipolar disease and the like; plagued with mental illness their poetry, their aesthetic beauty sprang from these denser wells.  But many of our greatest artists were far more optimistic than our romanticized cultural notion of art would have us believe.  One only need listen to The Beatles, The Beach Boys, or Bob Marley to remember this.  So why do we value, prioritize, and even idolize suffering?  Is it a way for us to keep ourselves stuck, endlessly turning inwards instead of looking out at the ordinary beauty of life’s day to day?  I do think suffering can be beautiful. I think suffering, when truly felt, is stunning—not because it is sad, but because it is true, and its truth shines so brightly as to illuminate something new about humanity.  But by extolling suffering we lower our cultural threshold for pain.  In our current culture, suffering can and is felt for the most minute of disappointments, and complaining ensues because it has become expected.  This kind of suffering is not beautiful because it is dishonest; like a thick wool sweater in mid- spring it is an overreaction to the natural elements.  It lays heavy on our skin in itchy discomfort, shielding us from those necessary, if pale rays of sunlight.  I bring up our culture’s relationship to suffering in an effort to better understand my own.

My attachment to suffering, was I think, a tendency that sprang out of fear—fear that if I let go of that suffering, life might not be as beautiful as it was in my imagination.  Life might disappoint.  The opposite has proved true.  The more I loosen my grasp on suffering, the more life shows its beauty.  The more risks I take in allowing life to disappoint, the more it excites, the more it breathes life back into me, and the more risks it encourages me to take in return.

I am curious to know what others' perceptions are of suffering, and if they felt attached at some point in their lives to it or not, if they have stepped out of that attachment, and how our practice of yoga encourages us to do so.

Thoughts?

Prince Rama and Princess Sita

While we were listening to Mitchel recount the beautiful story of Rama and Sita in training yesterday, my mind kept going back to a movie I watched and loved as a child. I knew there was a connection, but couldn't place it. As soon as I went home I googled the movie and sure enough the connection was there. In the movie, A Little Princess, the main little girl recounts her own version of Rama and Sita. It is the part when Rama leaves Sita in the jungle, in the circle that is to keep her safe. It is a sweet little part of the movie, and they show her imagination playing it out. I just wanted to share it with you, and luckily could find part of the clip on youtube. I don't know if anyone else saw this movie as a child, but it really is a great film, and it's so interesting that this story is embedded in it. Here is the link: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11mPJP89zFo

I hope you are all finding the light on this dreary Monday! I know I am capable of doing so by reflecting on our weekend together.

Nancy 

Bubble of Bliss

I had a huge revelation yesterday upon entering Grand Central Station.  I'm familiar with the place; having commuted this past summer to my job in midtown it immediately brought back memories of feeling overwhelmed by the bustle of the city.  As a coping mechanism to deal with the inundation of stimuli I experienced while walking through the city streets to work, I quickly adopted the "New York City Working- Girl Strut."  Marching purposefully and quickly through the crowd, I gave off cold, even hostile vibes.  In this way, I felt an established barrier between myself and the chaos.

But yesterday, something different happened.  I told the man sitting in the seat beside me on the train to have a wonderful evening.  I walked slowly from the platform into the terminal.  I gazed up at the magnificent ceiling and for the first time, really appreciated its beauty.  And I started to laugh.  Like really, really laugh-- so much so that I contemplated pulling out my phone to pretend I was in fact conversing with a friend lest passersby mistake me for a loon.  I laughed because I realized how silly I'd been all summer to swathe myself in such a steely aura.  I laughed because I realized how incredibly easy it was to bathe myself in bliss instead.  And boy does bliss feel better than fear.

So I wrote this slam- poem- freewrite on the subway, and I thought I would share it with you all.  Of everyone in my life, I feel you all will understand best the experience because it is my yoga practice and my beautiful conversations with you that led me to this revelation:

New York City used to overwhelm me--
so I fashioned myself a suit of armor to
protect and surround me:
It was as steely as steel can be.
I made myself cool, exhaled out all my
insides till the froze in the winter air
forming an impenetrable barrier.
But ice isn't stone
it can be broken
down eventually after it's melted
albeit glacially slowly.

Today,
I tried a new trick.
Having grown tired of purging and feeling
empty always hungry always lonely
I filled myself up with me
Breathing in my own joy slowly,
keeping it close to me.
Like a secret.
Or an inside joke
between a longtime friend.
Just exploding with ecstacy.
Laughter bubbled up inside of me and
Overflowed.
Till suddenly I saw my new armor:
A bubble of bliss,
and thought yea, I can live with this.


Namaste my love- warriors,

Meagan

Moral of the Porcupine

It was the coldest winter  ever.
Many animals died because of the cold.

The  porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected  themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest  companions.

After a while, they decided to distance  themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and  frozen.
So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their  companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to  go back to being together.
They learned to live with the little  wounds caused by
the close relationship with their companions in  order to
receive the heat that came from the others.
This way  they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the  one that brings together
perfect people, but when each  individual learns to live
with the imperfections of others and  can admire
the other person's good qualities.

The moral  of the story is:      



Just learn to live with the quill sticks in your  life!   

Growing your Buddhi

For consideration, last paragraph of chapter 2, Poised for Grace.....

For those whose mind is at once serene, the decision-making awareness becomes steady......Krishna invites us to grow our buddhi rather than dissociate or abandon this power of the mind-and-heart.  With a commitment to clarity we stand a good chance of making better choices provided we rest the buddhi on the emotional foundation of serenity.

Poised for Grace

Tonight I am re-reading Chapter 2 of Poised for Grace. Beginning on page 49 with the paragraph "When we cling to life as if death is the end of Consciousness" to the end of the chapter.

"Even when we don't feel like we are connected to this inexhaustable resource (eternity of the soul), we can act as if we are. Such faith, .... , distinguishes the wise. Even a small anount of such knowledge makes all of the difference......"

Question: Is the suggestion to pretend or is the suggestion that there is not a difference in believing or acting as if you believe?

Maybe we should try to answer the Questions and Contemplations at the end of each chapter?!!

Which wolf will you feed?

"If we understood the power of our thoughts we would guard them more closely. If we understood the awesome power of our words, we would prefer silence to almost anything negative. In our thoughts and words we create our own weaknesses and our own strengths. Our limitations and joys begin in our hearts. We can always replace negative with positive." ~Betty Eadie 

peace, love & yoga