Bubble of Bliss

I had a huge revelation yesterday upon entering Grand Central Station.  I'm familiar with the place; having commuted this past summer to my job in midtown it immediately brought back memories of feeling overwhelmed by the bustle of the city.  As a coping mechanism to deal with the inundation of stimuli I experienced while walking through the city streets to work, I quickly adopted the "New York City Working- Girl Strut."  Marching purposefully and quickly through the crowd, I gave off cold, even hostile vibes.  In this way, I felt an established barrier between myself and the chaos.

But yesterday, something different happened.  I told the man sitting in the seat beside me on the train to have a wonderful evening.  I walked slowly from the platform into the terminal.  I gazed up at the magnificent ceiling and for the first time, really appreciated its beauty.  And I started to laugh.  Like really, really laugh-- so much so that I contemplated pulling out my phone to pretend I was in fact conversing with a friend lest passersby mistake me for a loon.  I laughed because I realized how silly I'd been all summer to swathe myself in such a steely aura.  I laughed because I realized how incredibly easy it was to bathe myself in bliss instead.  And boy does bliss feel better than fear.

So I wrote this slam- poem- freewrite on the subway, and I thought I would share it with you all.  Of everyone in my life, I feel you all will understand best the experience because it is my yoga practice and my beautiful conversations with you that led me to this revelation:

New York City used to overwhelm me--
so I fashioned myself a suit of armor to
protect and surround me:
It was as steely as steel can be.
I made myself cool, exhaled out all my
insides till the froze in the winter air
forming an impenetrable barrier.
But ice isn't stone
it can be broken
down eventually after it's melted
albeit glacially slowly.

Today,
I tried a new trick.
Having grown tired of purging and feeling
empty always hungry always lonely
I filled myself up with me
Breathing in my own joy slowly,
keeping it close to me.
Like a secret.
Or an inside joke
between a longtime friend.
Just exploding with ecstacy.
Laughter bubbled up inside of me and
Overflowed.
Till suddenly I saw my new armor:
A bubble of bliss,
and thought yea, I can live with this.


Namaste my love- warriors,

Meagan